ToBo on the Go Go

Recommended Paperwork (Prior to Death)

• Power of Attorney: Is most important before they pass (allows you to act on their behalf in almost all matters, for example I was able to file my parent’s taxes while they were in the hospital)
• Will: Make sure you know where this is, that it has been signed, and what to do with it upon passing (my parent’s will was not prepared by a lawyer, I ended up calling the Chamber of Commerce in the county were they lived to get an appointment with the probate judge)
• List of Accounts: With account numbers and contacts where applicable (bank accounts, pension, investment accounts, life insurance, etc.)
• Bank Account: My parent had me added to the account as “In Trust For” a few years before they got sick. Dealing with the bank after their death took longer and required more steps than I expected (including needing to schedule appointments instead of just dropping into the branch). If I hadn’t been added to the account beforehand, the process of getting the funds from the accounts (which were used to pay the remaining bills) would have been a lot more difficult and time consuming.
• Passwords: Cell phone, laptop, etc.
• Bills and Recurring Payments: Make sure you know what is a recurring charge on credit cards, you will probably want to close and settle those accounts before closing the credit cards

Funeral

• Good to know where they want to be buried before they pass
• Call the Funeral home to ensure they know where and how the person wished to be buried
  • It’s common for the family to have a family centered visitation the day/night before the funeral service (I didn’t know this)
• Determine how the funeral home will receive the body (our funeral home picked up my parent’s body even though they passed in a different state, there is a charge for this but seemed reasonable to me)
• Think about what they should be buried in, if it’s open casket they will need something with long sleeves
• Officiant doesn’t have to be a pastor
• Women can be pallbearers, they just need to be able to carry the casket
• Ask the funeral home about dates, we had my parent’s visitation and service on a holiday weekend and that wasn’t a problem
• The funeral home has extensive experience and will be able to help you through the process. Make sure to leverage their expertise (for example, order of service, funeral programs, funeral service guest book, funeral procession, where to post or send the obituary, casket, flowers, etc.)
• Slideshow: The slideshow was one of my favorite parts of the service. I found about 65 photos throughout my parent’s lifetime with family, friends, and doing the things they loved. I took the photos to the funeral home and they had a mechanism for scanning the photos and creating the slideshow in just a few minutes.
• Grave Marker: The funeral home we used did not offer grave markers, but did recommend a monument company for me to work with. The lead time is longer than I expected, about 5-6 months. There are various types of markers that you can select. I chose a slant style that was more typical of the markers in the cemetery where my parent is buried. Also, you can use both sides of the slant style marker which I chose to do as well.
• Death Certificates: Make sure to get several copies. I needed 5 for a simple estate, others have needed about 10. Some places will only ask for a copy, make sure to use copies for those to save your official certificates for when those are needed.

Order of Service/Funeral Program Example

There’s a lot of flexibility in the type of service you’d like to have and the order of the service. I looked at some examples online and came up with the order, readings, and music for the service. Below is the funeral program that I put together for my parent’s service.

• Music prelude- How Great Though Art (Carrie Underwood) 
• Processional 
• Welcome/introduction- Funeral Officiant  
• Opening Prayer- Funeral Officiant 
• Scripture reading- Matthew 11:28-30- Family Member
• Scripture Reading- Psalm 46- Family Member
• Music selection- Amazing Grace (Elvis Presley) 
• Obituary reading- Family Member 
• Music Selection- It Is Well with My Soul
• Eulogies & Remarks – Friends & Family 
• Acknowledgments and thank you messages (Family Member- I did this section) 
• Psalm 23-  Funeral Officiant
• Closing Prayer- Funeral Officiant
• Closing Song- Where Could I Go but to the Lord (Elvis Presley) 
• Recessional 

Recommended Task Sequence (After Death)

• Create a spreadsheet for tracking all of the tasks, status, and notes. My parent had a fairly simple estate (for example, no property) and there were still about 40 different tasks needed.
• Ensure Social Security is contacted first (depending on date of death they may take back the last social security payment)
• If they have a pension contact the pension provider next (depending on date of death they may take back the last pension payment)
• If they are renting an apartment make sure you are in touch with the landlord to give notice, pay rent, and communicate when you will have the apartment cleaned out
• If you are going to donate furniture, clothes, etc. contact the Chamber of Commerce in your parent’s county to see what charities will come with their own trucks to pick up the donations. Make sure to do this a few weeks prior so you can schedule the day and time in advance.
• If you are going to use PODS (or another container service) make sure to book that a few weeks out to ensure you get your preferred delivery and pick up dates.
• Contact utilities, pay final bills, and cancel services
• Cable Boxes/Equipment: Make sure to return any equipment as directed. Some of them can be dropped of at a UPS store for direct mailing at no cost to you.
• Transfer car title. I had to file paperwork to replace the title because I couldn’t find it (I needed the official death certificate for this).
• Contact insurance (life, car, rental, etc.) providers to notify them of the death. Insurance companies will require various paperwork for any account closures and payouts. Also, payouts can take several weeks.
• Pay all other outstanding bills and close accounts
• Forward the deceased parent’s mail to your address to ensure you can keep up with bills etc. (USPS doesn’t forward junk mail which is nice). You will want to have the mail forwarded to you for at least a year. You can extend the mail forwarding service online through the USPS website.

Other

• Taxes: Check the federal and state tax rules but you’ll likely have to file taxes for your deceased parent (I did). Fortunately I was able to contact the service my parent had been using and was able to scan and email the tax documents to them so they could prepare and file the taxes. This is another important reason to ensure you have their mail forwarded to you for at least a year.
• Used PODS to ship some things back to my home (not cheap but very convenient and easy- great service too!)
• Used Mr. Car Shipper to ship my parent’s car cross country (also not cheaper but probably about the same as driving across country and this was much more convenient without putting any wear and tear on the car)
• Thank You Cards: I did my best to get these written and mailed by about 3 weeks after the funeral. Our funeral home provided cards that had a very nice sentiment, though I ended up using other cards that I had purchased. One tip is that I took photos of the flower arrangements that were sent so that I could not only remember how pretty they were, but also so I could add specific comments about them in the thank you notes.